Little Boxes

Again with the song title/blog title. Its a problem. And this song actually has nothing to do with the point I want to make, but I kind of love it. It's also the theme song of Weeds which is one of my favorite shows. But again, not the point I want to make.

The point I actually wanted to make has to do with a much more unpleasant topic, which happens to be the fact that I'm packing for college. As my friend Kyle put it so eloquently, "Defining my life with boxes and what they can and cannot hold." And as I was telling my mother last night, I wish I could just pick up my room and drag it up to Western. I've put so much time and energy into making my room the very essence of my being. In addition, I have a tendency to keep things that have no apparent meaning to anyone else, but hold a great deal of meaning to me. Clearly the features of a future hoarder.

I started packing a few days ago, and now I lay in my barren room. Posters and pictures pulled off the wall, things taken off shelves, and an empty closet and drawers. Boxes shoved in the corner, as full as humanly possible. Constant texts to the roommate asking what I should and shouldn't bring. Arguments with myself about what I should and shouldn't bring. Apologies to items being left behind, much like that of a five year old who can't sleep with all their stuffed animals.

This was roughly the time my excitement for college shifted and turned into anxiety and fear. And then came the breakdown when I realized all the feelings I'd been putting away when it came to college. Let me do a quick recap of my life for you; I've grown up an only child for the last 18 years. Therefore I'm not used to sharing things at my house, although I wouldn't say I have an only child complex. My parents got divorced when I was young, so I'm used to all my mother's attention pretty much whenever I want it. I'm also used to seeing and interacting with my mom on a daily basis. I will no longer be able to wander out into my entry way and call up to my mom that I'm sick and need her to take care of me.

Needless to say, there's a lot of internal conflict going on right now.